My Black Female Cofounder

“Great to meet you! This is my cofounder, Alexandra Liggins.”

This is a common conversation starter when Alex, my black female cofounder (who also happens to be my fiancée), and I are at events or when we meet people for the first time. Sometimes, after only talking to me for about 5 minutes, the person we are talking to turns to her and says something like, “So what do you do?” Sometimes they say, “Are you his assistant?” And sometimes they don’t even make eye contact with her.

This is usually a heartbreaking experience for me and if I am being honest, that sometimes pales in comparison to what it is for her.

Bias toward gender and race are real. I’ve seen it and I have been in the situation where I am trying to find the right things to say to console a person I love more than anything in the world after an incident occurs where those biases come to the surface in extremely frustrating ways. I have done my best to advocate for her in my actions and conversations, but I’m not perfect and I haven’t always been good at it and I haven’t always known what to do.

The most frustrating part about it is that while it is something that has an effect on me, I am really only in the battle by association. I can fight with Alex and I can support her as she takes the slings and arrows that come with being black and female in the modern world, but I am not her. I will never be able to say, “I know what it’s like…” or “I completely understand how you feel…” If I really wanted to, I could do what most white males do and pretend that the issue doesn’t even exist and live my life in ignorance. I would never do that, but the fact of the matter is that I could.

It is fortunate that Alex is the strongest person I know. Not, like, physically because she is tiny, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually she is a rock. Hell, she is a mountain. Possibly even a planet. I 100% believe that she is the right person to fight this battle on a daily basis because she already has what she needs to win. I am also honored that I get to experience the battle with her. I will do my best to keep honing my understanding, my frame of mind, and my support skills as we go through life together. I just hope I am woman enough for the challenge.